Comments on: Early release scheme http://downingstreetsays.com/briefings/2005/10/13/1836 Every day the Prime Minister's Spokesman meets a small coterie of political journalists known as 'the lobby' for a topical chat, or 'briefing'. Thu, 04 Dec 2008 19:14:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: Tasty Macfadden http://downingstreetsays.com/briefings/2005/10/13/1836#comment-3716 Tasty Macfadden Mon, 31 Oct 2005 00:09:12 +0000 http://downingstreetsays.com/briefings/2005/10/13/1836#comment-3716 They should clear the jails of criminals who could all become stewards, or marshalls, for the NewLabour Reich, quickly stamping on trouble spots like mosques, old folks' homes, constituency Labour parties and the cabinet office. The jails, then, could be more properly filled with disabled people, who would, obviously, remain incarcerated until they purged themselves of their disabilities and were ready to lead a decent, honest, consumerist life, whilst, of course, simultaneously spending like crazy in the High St and saving lots of money for their retirements. In the world of Brown economics it is possible to borrow enough money to get out of debt. This measure would have the added benefit of increasing job satisfaction among members of the Prison Officers Association; it is one thing for them to occasionally gangrape an inmate or set a mad-dog racist to kill a harmless Asian lad but it is transports of delight for them to be able to kick the crutches out from underneath cripples, on a daily basis. Interviewed on BBC Radio Orkney, Prison and Probation supremo Martin Nairey welcomed the early release initiative, pointing to his own spectacular achievement of nearly doubling the prison population and thereby demonstrating his commitment to rehabilitation, Mr Nairey said he had been asked to host a new tv show entitled Nobody's To Blame, in which Chief Constables, Prison Governors, Heads of Social Services, Chief Probation Officers and the rest are invited to competitively list all the reasons they should have resigned, but didn't. The one who got away with the most grievous dereliction of duty wins a boost of a hundred grand to his pension fund. Joining the interview by satphone from a bunker beneath Downing St premier Blair added, y'know, that George Orwell, if he was alive to-day Home Secretary Clarke'd woulda had him in Belmarsh by now. Radio Orkney ended the interview with an exclusive first broadcasting of Magnus Shearer and the Smirking Wee Fionas singing Me An' Ma Cousin's Gettin Married The Noo, Ken. (trad. Accordion arrangement by Lady SIr Peter Maxwell Davis, Master of the Queen's Musick and bona fide Orkney superstar.) They should clear the jails of criminals who could all become stewards, or marshalls, for the NewLabour Reich, quickly stamping on trouble spots like mosques, old folks’ homes, constituency Labour parties and the cabinet office. The jails, then, could be more properly filled with disabled people, who would, obviously, remain incarcerated until they purged themselves of their disabilities and were ready to lead a decent, honest, consumerist life, whilst, of course, simultaneously spending like crazy in the High St and saving lots of money for their retirements. In the world of Brown economics it is possible to borrow enough money to get out of debt.

This measure would have the added benefit of increasing job satisfaction among members of the Prison Officers Association; it is one thing for them to occasionally gangrape an inmate or set a mad-dog racist to kill a harmless Asian lad but it is transports of delight for them to be able to kick the crutches out from underneath cripples, on a daily basis.

Interviewed on BBC Radio Orkney, Prison and Probation supremo Martin Nairey welcomed the early release initiative, pointing to his own spectacular achievement of nearly doubling the prison population and thereby demonstrating his commitment to rehabilitation, Mr Nairey said he had been asked to host a new tv show entitled Nobody’s To Blame, in which Chief Constables, Prison Governors, Heads of Social Services, Chief Probation Officers and the rest are invited to competitively list all the reasons they should have resigned, but didn’t. The one who got away with the most grievous dereliction of duty wins a boost of a hundred grand to his pension fund.

Joining the interview by satphone from a bunker beneath Downing St premier Blair added, y’know, that George Orwell, if he was alive to-day Home Secretary Clarke’d woulda had him in Belmarsh by now.

Radio Orkney ended the interview with an exclusive first broadcasting of Magnus Shearer and the Smirking Wee Fionas singing Me An’ Ma Cousin’s Gettin Married The Noo, Ken. (trad. Accordion arrangement by Lady SIr Peter Maxwell Davis, Master of the Queen’s Musick and bona fide Orkney superstar.)

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